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Yuni can be heckled (though I don’t endorse it) April 8, 2008

Posted by Brad in Uncategorized.
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I think no one should ever boo Yuniesky Betancourt or some of his teammates on the Mariners. For instance, how could anyone muster the energy to boo Cha Seung Baek? That said, it is physically possible for you (but not me) to boo Yuni.
Heckler’s Prospectus (a great guide for booing baseball teams, including the Angels and the A’s) offers one way to boo Yuni (alongside booing recipes for all his teammates) (NOTE: this is all sorts of PG-13):

Betancourt, Yuniesky – Another Cuban defector, he was illegally smuggled into the U.S. way back in 2003. Spend much of the game contemplating how large his smuggler’s asshole must have been to fit Betancourt inside of it. Close by asking him if he’s been able to get the stench off yet.

Communist regimes (that are less lucrative to ballplayers) are hilarious, maybe. Of course, you could also heckle Betancourt with Adrian Beltre’s prescribed heckle. Not that you should heckle either of them. (I sure won’t.) (NOTE: More Red Dawn-grade language):

Beltré, Adrián – In order to help his defensive range, Beltré (me: and Yuni) has decided to forgo wearing a protective cup because he finds them uncomfortable and they affect his running. Luckily, and this is something you should point out, he doesn’t need one. Because he doesn’t have a penis.

That barb goes right for the junk.
And, while it doesn’t apply at all to Yuniesky, I think the entry for Brad Wilkerson, who… yeah, I could see why you’d heckle) is the best of the bunch:

Wilkerson, Brad – While he has never been married, Wilkerson has two daughters. Inquire throughout the entire game about how this can be because, for the life of you, you can’t figure out how two children can come into existence except through the love and devotion of a happily married couple. Unless it’s one of those strange Biblical miracles. And, if that’s the case, are one of his two girls the Second Coming? Is the other one jealous?

Children out of wedlock? Zing.
Again, don’t ever use any of these in a game situation (except that Wilkerson one), if only because they might get you kicked out of Safeco Field.

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